Why Pakistan will never agree on when Eid is, but will agree on blaming the other city.
Dateline: Every Year, Without Fail
In what experts are calling “the nation’s most reliable tradition,” Pakistanis have once again split into two factions:
- Team Peshawar: “We saw the moon with our own eyes.”
- Team Karachi: “We have telescopes and science, thank you very much.”
Meanwhile, Islamabad just wants a holiday that matches their leave application.
The Pre-Fight Warm-Up
It begins days earlier with intense speculation:
- Uncle at tea shop: “Bhai, I heard it’s on Friday.”
- Your friend’s cousin’s neighbor: “No no, Saturday for sure.”
- Ruet-e-Hilal Committee: slow dramatic music, zoom-in camera shot
Prime-Time Drama
By 9 PM, every household has switched from news to Eid Chand Live:
- A mullah squints at the sky.
- An aunty holds her phone at a suspicious angle.
- Somewhere, a child is crying because their mehndi plan is “ruined.”